


we are for each other

by savetheclaypots



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Romance, Volume 74 Cover, post-686
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 02:36:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8427982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savetheclaypots/pseuds/savetheclaypots
Summary: Rukia didn’t want to hide anymore. There was no point in mere survival, she knew that, she had just forgotten. Out of necessity.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This troublesome little fic was the entry for this week’s drabble prompt “unbreakable” over at deathberryprompts on tumblr. Inspired, too, by volume 74's cover like the prompt itself. Title is from e.e. cummings’ _since feeling is first_. Quotation at the end is from Richard Siken’s _Snow and Dirty Rain_.

When Yhwach’s death was confirmed, Ichigo left the Soul Society without saying goodbye. Rukia wasn’t surprised by that, not anymore. She did find surprising, though, that the one glimpse she caught of him as he left didn’t show her a man just freed from a decade of looking over his shoulder. No, Ichigo had looked as cornered as he had all these years. Rukia shook her head; it was none of her business and, in fact, nothing related to him had been her business for a long time. Yet, she thought as she walked back to her office, some habits were harder to break than others. And perhaps it wasn’t surprising at all. Rukia looked the same as always, too.

Days passed in a blur of a life well regimented and the last thing Rukia expected was to receive a message from Ichigo, which was why Rukia, suddenly, found herself standing outside of the Kurosaki Clinic, in a gigai, stuck in front of the doorbell. She fiddled with the strap of her dress and wondered why pressing a mere button was so daunting. It had always been easier to return when everyone else was around. It didn’t hurt as much, didn’t feel like returning to a ruin. But perhaps she won’t be alone, maybe Ino—maybe Ichigo wasn’t home alone. Rukia tried not to worry that something bad had happened so soon after a long awaited victory. She stood there unmoving and lost in thought, when Ichigo opened the door with an annoyed look. _Were you just going to stand there all day?_ Rukia was about to ask where his manners went, when she realized that Ichigo was wearing his Shinigami uniform. Rukia would’ve been worried all over again, but she hadn’t felt any Hollows around. Instead, she noticed she wasn’t wearing her uniform and something too much like nostalgia overwhelmed her. Rukia wanted to run. There was nothing for her here anymore. Except Ichigo, which had always, _always_ , been her problem. She half-heartedly raised an eyebrow at his lack of manners and followed him inside. He didn’t ask. It was enough.

Once inside, Rukia expected the silence to stretch immensely, infinitely, like the days, and weeks, and years between them. She expected to wait a whole year in the silence of the living room. She wanted to ask why he was in uniform in the absence of Hollows, but she didn’t. She wanted to ask why he wanted her here. But silence was all too alluring in its complacency; everything left unsaid. Practical, really, like survival. But what did Ichigo care for either practicality or survival? He started to speak and Rukia thought it was too soon. She still wanted to run, because there was no one else home and she couldn’t figure out if that was good or bad. _I’m going back to Soul Society, for good this time_. Rukia missed the silence dearly because she knew nothing good would come of breaking this fragility they had built between them.

 _You’re…what? Wha-wait you can’t do that._ And just like that, silence had no solace left to give; there were no more places to hide. _Why not? Yhwach is dead, Rukia, remember?_ There was more meaning in those words than the mere fact of his death. Rukia shook her head. He looked hurt and she could not believe they were having this conversation. She knew he didn’t just mean going back to Soul Society, he meant going back to her as well. She remembered all too well the sacrifices they had made because of Yhwach’s threat. Rukia remembered the brief discussion before they made the decision to sacrifice Ichigo’s happiness, and by extent her own, to save their lives, to save the world. She remembered the apologies he kissed onto her skin and how her touch willed him into silence. A silence that at least once hid nothing and showed everything they were to one another. Yes, Rukia remembered how they whispered to each other in the dark of everything they would never have. In the morning, he said goodbye for the last time and Rukia was left with a sadness, a sadness she still carried with her. It was a throb that had become ordinary, a part of her. She remembered, too, noticing the marks he left on her chest, her stomach, the bruises on her hips and thighs. Wondered if he was looking at the welts she scratched onto his back, the bite marks peppering his torso, his collarbone. Something to hold on to, foolishly.  They had had plenty of practice in the span of their relationship, but they were never very good at letting each other go. Rukia remembered watching those marks fade away and how it was like watching him leave all over again. But they had made choices, choices she knew would have consequences way past Yhwach death. Some things could not have second chances. Rukia thought that was clear after their lack of interaction after the news. _What about your family?_

 _They still have those tickets_. Rukia knew that, but she desperately did not want to ask the actual question on her mind, although she knew she would. If anything that might end this for good and Rukia could go back to her life, which was maybe not the life she wanted, but was the life she had. A life she had learned to like. _What about—_ She paused and looked down. She could do this. After a moment she looked back at Ichigo and made sure her stare was firm. _What about your wife?_

 _Don’t have one anymore_. Rukia blinked in astonishment and didn’t say anything for perhaps too long, her thoughts a racing. _I thought you’d be happy…I mean, unless you and Renji—_ And maybe it was something about the way Ichigo sounded uncertain and lost that Rukia couldn’t bear, or some belated desire for honesty, but she snapped out of her shock. _We haven’t…in a long time, we haven’t—But regardless you can’t just upend your life like this._ Rukia had never been one for nervous chatter, but she couldn’t stop listing all the reasons Ichigo had to stay when all she wanted was to take him back with her. _Ok, Rukia, you made your point_. She laughed then because she wasn’t sure she even had a point to make. _Have I?_ She felt terribly guilty over the slump on Ichigo’s shoulder. Rukia was sure he hadn’t looked like that when she came in. _Yeah, can you just answer me one thing._ He sounded defiant and Rukia felt so tired. She nodded.

_Do you still love me?_

They had been here before, she thought. Longing for some affirmation that they hadn’t made this thing between them up. That it was real, tangible. Something they could have, and the tragedy was that just because it was real it didn’t mean it was meant to be. But they had fought so hard, for so long…Rukia didn’t want to hide anymore. There was no point in mere survival, she knew that, she had just forgotten. Out of necessity.

_With all my heart._

When Rukia kissed him, she wanted to apologize for being afraid, for not believing second chances existed, even though she should have known better. She kissed him because she could, because he was coming home with her. Because there would be no goodbyes in the morning. Because there would be no goodbyes at all.

 

* * *

 

We were in the gold room where everyone

finally gets what they want, so I said _What do you_

 _want, sweetheart?_ and you said _Kiss me_. Here I am

leaving you clues. I am singing now while Rome

burns. We are all just trying to be holy. My applejack,

my silent night, just mash your lips against me.

We are all going forward. None of us are going back.


End file.
